Beware the Fury of a Patient Man
Erikson describes people he calls Greens as avoiding conflict and storing up grievances until a small incident prompts an outburst. He suggests inviting concerns earlier and offers accumulated stress as a personal, unproven explanation of burnout.
THE IDEA
Beware the Fury of a Patient Man. Beware Indeed.
Do you recognize this old saying? The person who coined it probably had a Green in mind. You may never have seen a Green lose his temper. It may very well be that your good friend, the friendly and gentle pal you’ve never had a serious argument with, hasn’t ever shown even a shred of bad temper.
Does that mean that this is a person who can’t get angry? Not at all. It just means that instead of turning his temper outwards, it’s oriented in another direction. Inwards.
I would liken a Green’s temperament to a fifty-gallon beer barrel. Can you imagine how many shot glasses it would take to fill it? We could fill, fill, and fill even more before we even start covering the bottom of it. Many Greens function like that. They receive and accept without objecting. This is very much connected to their desire to avoid conflict but also to their inability to say no. They simply agree because it’s easier that way.
Does this mean that Greens don’t have their own opinions? Not at all; they have just as many opinions about things as anyone else. They just don’t talk about their opinions. And this is often the problem. They fill the barrel. Week in and week out, a Green accepts one perceived injustice after the other—note that I said “perceived.” It may take several years before the barrel is full.
Now take this barrel, lift it up, and pour the contents out over your desk.
What happens? Everything will be washed away. The water in the barrel will not only wash away everything on your desk; even the desk itself and you along with it will go out with the flood, too. There’s no stopping it.
“You said that I didn’t finish the project on time? Really? Really?! Last week, you said that I didn’t do it well enough. Now let me tell you this: A year ago you promised me a new office, and it still hasn’t materialized. And when I was hired here, back in 1997, you said the same thing, and now let me tell you…”
Everything has to come out. Just make sure that you’re not the spark that sets it all off.
The problem is large-scale. Greens don’t release any anger or frustration but control their emotions so as not to create trouble or stand out. But they feel and experience just as much as everyone else does. They just lack the natural tools to release everything. But we can help by becoming facilitators. We can ask questions, invite them in, and look for signals. Look at their body language to see if there are signs of disapproval. Create a healthy environment around a Green so that he becomes comfortable enough to say what he thinks so that he doesn’t have to continually compromise his position. Otherwise, he will turn all his frustration inwards. And we know what this kind of stress can do to a person.
I have my own private theory, which I certainly cannot prove scientifically, but I suspect that this may be the main reason why Greens suffer burnout. They carry anxiety, anguish, and even anger for so long that it eventually makes them ill. It’s a noticeable problem that should be taken seriously.
When to use it
In team management, recognize that employees who never complain may be bottling up dissatisfaction. Regularly check in with them individually to encourage honest feedback.
In personal relationships, if a partner or friend is overly agreeable, gently invite them to share any concerns before small issues accumulate.
In conflict resolution, when someone suddenly explodes over a minor issue, consider that the trigger may be the last straw of accumulated resentments. Address the root causes rather than the immediate trigger.
In self-development, if you tend to avoid confrontation, practice assertive communication in low-stakes situations to prevent emotional buildup.
FROM THEORY TO EVERYDAY LIFE
In practice
The Office Grievance Explosion
A Green team member has quietly accepted years of unfulfilled promises: a new office, recognition for projects, and timely feedback. One day, a minor criticism about a deadline triggers a flood of pent-up grievances about every past injustice, overwhelming colleagues and damaging relationships.
The Patient Friend's Outburst
A Green friend never objects to plans or expresses disagreement. Over months, they feel increasingly used but say nothing. Finally, when asked to pick a restaurant, they explode with complaints about always being accommodating, catching everyone off guard.
A MOMENT TO REFLECT
Put it to work.
Think of a person in your life who rarely shows anger. Can you identify moments where they might be suppressing frustration? How could you create a safe space for them to express their true feelings?
Have you ever held back your own opinion to avoid conflict? What were the long-term consequences? How might you have handled it differently?
Reflect on a situation where you witnessed an unexpected outburst. Could suppressed grievances have been building up over time? What signals might you have missed?
Often confused with
CONTINUE THE CONVERSATION
Source texts
- Surrounded By Idiots (Thomas Erikson)