You Never Told Me That, I Would Remember!
Erikson describes a Yellow pattern in which a person wants to talk, loses interest in others’ speech, and later insists the information was never shared. He interprets this as a listening problem rather than a memory problem.
THE IDEA
“You Never Told Me That, I Would Remember!”
If a Yellow is anything, it’s a bad listener. They’re really miserable at it, in point of fact. Many Yellows I have met say that they are very good listeners—and of course supplied entertaining examples of this undeniable fact—but maybe it could be their memory that was at fault. Basically, they believe that they listen very well, but somewhere along the way to the brain’s storage shelves whatever they heard simply gets lost—poof!
No, it’s not about memory. It’s about how a Yellow is often uninterested in what others say because he knows he could say it so much better himself. He doesn’t stay focused; he begins thinking about other things, begins doing other things. He does not want to listen—he wants to talk.
They’re also quite childish in that they only like doing things that are enjoyable. If a statement or story or just a normal conversation is boring, then they close their ears. Of course, there’s a remedy—take a course in entertaining rhetoric; then you may be able to keep your Yellow friend’s, partner’s, or colleague’s attention. If you can present your message in a more amusing way, he’ll at least remain seated a bit longer. Rhetoric isn’t the art of talking but rather the art of getting others to listen.
If you have a good friend whom at this stage you have identified as Yellow, you know exactly what I’m talking about. In mid-sentence, he opens his mouth and starts talking about something completely different. Bad memory? No, you were simply being tedious. But truly—add a bad memory into the equation and we really are in trouble.
Many truly successful people in society are often better listeners than the general average. They don’t willingly talk as much as they listen. They already know what they know, and to learn more they simply have to hush up and hear what others are saying. It’s a way to absorb new knowledge. This is something Yellows need to understand better if they’re not to be perceived as completely hopeless—or just stagnant in their personal development. They must, for example, listen to the message I have presented in this last section. If they refuse to take it in just because it is a difficult and possibly a boring message, they’ll never learn anything.
When to use it
In a workplace meeting, a colleague might miss important details because they are not interested, leading to misunderstandings and errors.
In a personal relationship, one partner might accuse the other of not telling them something, when in fact they were not listening due to lack of interest.
When giving instructions to a friend or team member, you may need to present the information in a more engaging way to ensure it is actually heard.
FROM THEORY TO EVERYDAY LIFE
In practice
Interrupting mid-conversation
In Erikson’s example, a listener interrupts mid-sentence to discuss something else. The author interprets the interruption as loss of interest, rather than evidence of poor memory.
Successful people as listeners
The text contrasts Yellows with successful people who are better listeners, highlighting that successful individuals listen more than they talk to absorb new knowledge.
A MOMENT TO REFLECT
Put it to work.
Think of a conversation in which someone said information had never been shared. What evidence would help distinguish unclear communication, inattention, and forgetting?
How can you make your message more engaging to ensure it is heard by someone who tends to tune out?
Reflect on your own listening habits: do you sometimes stop paying attention because you find the topic boring?
CONTINUE THE CONVERSATION
Source texts
- Surrounded By Idiots (Thomas Erikson)