There is Nothing Like Pressure, It’s All in Our Mind
Expecting to control other people’s choices can add pressure to an already difficult situation. The author’s sales experience illustrates the value of directing effort toward preparation and actions while recognizing the limits of control over results.
THE IDEA
Pressure and Expectations
Some pressure comes from expecting ourselves to deliver outcomes we can influence but cannot guarantee. Focusing only on the result can make every setback feel like a failure of effort or character.
While working as an insurance marketer, I faced repeated rejections and a boss who threatened to fire me for not bringing in sales. Over time, I began to believe that I could make people buy if I found exactly the right words. Almost 2 years later, after leaving that job, I recognized the problem with that belief. I could prepare, listen and improve my approach, but I could not choose for the customer. I had treated an impossible expectation as a way to "inspire" myself.
The threat to my job was real. What I could reconsider was the added demand that I control every response. Separating those two things helped me see which actions were available, including leaving the job.
The same distinction can help with other demanding tasks. Identify what you can do, what you can influence and what depends on others or on chance. Then judge your preparation and actions alongside the result. This takes practice; it does not make difficult work effortless.
When to use it
When preparing for a high-stakes presentation, focus on your preparation and delivery, not on how the audience will react.
In a competitive sales environment, concentrate on your effort and attitude rather than the sale itself to reduce unnecessary pressure.
When dealing with a difficult boss or colleague, recognize that you cannot control their behavior, only your response and attitude.
During exam preparation, focus on studying effectively rather than worrying about the grade, as the result is beyond your direct control.
FROM THEORY TO EVERYDAY LIFE
In practice
Insurance Marketer Experience
The author describes an insurance-sales job in which repeated rejection and threats from a manager led to an impossible expectation: the right words should make any customer buy. Leaving the job helped the author distinguish responsibility for the sales approach from control over a customer’s decision.
Expectations and Peace
Expecting someone to respond exactly as you want can add frustration when they do not. Reconsidering that expectation can help you choose a response without pretending their actions or your external circumstances are under your control.
A MOMENT TO REFLECT
Put it to work.
Think of a recent situation where you felt intense pressure. How much of that pressure came from your own expectations about outcomes you cannot control?
What specific expectations do you hold about other people's actions or results that lower your peacefulness? How can you reframe them?
In what areas of your life can you practice focusing only on your attitude, mindset, and actions instead of the uncontrollable outcome?
CONTINUE THE CONVERSATION
Source texts
- Thinking in Systems and Mental Models Think Like a Super Thinker (Dawson, Marcus P)