The Mystery of the Irrational Negotiator

intermediate2 min readpolitics · law · business · psychology

When others' behavior seems irrational, instead of dismissing them, treat confusion as a clue to uncover missing information. This is a key principle in negotiation.

THE IDEA

THE MYSTERY OF THE IRRATIONAL NEGOTIATOR

The instinct to judge other people’s behavior as stupid, irrational, or crazy is very common, and it’s also a sign that there’s something you’re missing. This is a point that top negotiators all emphasize: don’t write off the other side as crazy. When their behavior confuses you, lean in to that confusion. Treat it as a clue. You’ll often find that it leads you to the information you need to resolve the negotiation.

Negotiation experts Max Bazerman and Deepak Malhotra at Harvard Business School describe in their book Negotiation Genius the case of an executive whose company was being sued by a disgruntled former employee. The ex-employee claimed the company owed him $130,000 in commissions he had earned before he was fired. The company did the math, and found that the employee was mistaken. They sent him their analysis showing that he was not owed any money, but he still refused to abandon his lawsuit.

The executive, who was a client of Deepak Malhotra’s, thought the ex-employee was being completely irrational, since he had no chance of winning in court. Malhotra suggested: “Is it possible that he doesn’t trust your accountant?” He urged the executive to try hiring an objective, third-party accounting firm to do the analysis and send the results directly to the ex-employee. Sure enough, the suit was dropped.

Chris Voss used to be the FBI’s lead international kidnapping negotiator. In his book on negotiation, Never Split the Difference, he stresses the importance of leaning in to confusion. “It is when we hear or see something that doesn’t make sense—something ‘crazy’—that a crucial fork in the road is presented,” he writes. “[Push] forward, even more forcefully, into that which we initially can’t process; or take the other path, the one to guaranteed failure, in which we tell ourselves that negotiating was useless anyway.”

When to use it

Negotiating a business deal where the other side seems stubborn or illogical.
Resolving a conflict with a colleague who refuses to see your perspective.
Understanding a customer's complaint that initially seems unreasonable.
Mediating a dispute where both parties appear irrational.

FROM THEORY TO EVERYDAY LIFE

In practice

The Disgruntled Employee Lawsuit

A company was sued by a former employee claiming $130,000 in unpaid commissions. The company's analysis showed no money was owed, but the employee refused to drop the lawsuit. The executive thought the employee was irrational. Negotiator Deepak Malhotra suggested hiring a neutral third-party accountant to verify the numbers. The employee trusted the independent analysis and dropped the suit.

FBI Kidnapping Negotiation

Chris Voss, former FBI lead kidnapping negotiator, advises investigating behavior that seems irrational. Confusion may point to missing information about the other party’s constraints or motives.

✳

A MOMENT TO REFLECT

Put it to work.

When have you dismissed someone's behavior as irrational? What information might you have missed?
How can you lean into confusion in your next negotiation or disagreement?
What assumptions are you making about the other party's motives that could be incorrect?