The Expectations Model
The model uses choosing a partner to examine the tension between high standards and unattainable expectations. It asks what you would lose by revising expectations that seem impossible to meet.
THE IDEA
THE EXPECTATIONS MODEL
WHAT TO CONSIDER WHEN CHOOSING A PARTNER
Our little model illustrates the problem of high expectations based on the example of choosing a partner. If you have no expectations of your future partner, then you are indifferent – and indifferent decisions are rarely satisfying. The higher your expectations, the happier you are when you find a partner who lives up to them. You could say that having expectations increases our overall feeling of happiness. But there is a tipping point: if your expectations exceed a critical point, disappointment is inevitable, because whatever you are dreaming of becomes unattainable. Experience teaches us that perfection is a bit like the Loch Ness monster: there are people who search for it their whole life – but nobody has ever seen it.
Of course, in principle there is nothing wrong with having high expectations. But if you have the feeling that your standards can never be met, ask yourself: What would you lose if you lowered your expectations?
Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without. Confucius
When to use it
Evaluating potential romantic partners
Setting career goals and job search criteria
Assessing product or service expectations
Managing personal goals and self-improvement
FROM THEORY TO EVERYDAY LIFE
In practice
Choosing a Life Partner
A person holds an idealized list of traits for a partner. After years of searching, they remain single. Lowering expectations to focus on core values leads to a fulfilling relationship.
Job Search
A graduate expects a high-paying, prestigious job with perfect conditions. They keep rejecting offers and become unemployed. By adjusting expectations, they find a job that provides growth and satisfaction.
A MOMENT TO REFLECT
Put it to work.
What would you lose if you lowered your expectations in a current area of your life?
How do your expectations influence your overall satisfaction?
Can you recall a time when unrealistic expectations led to disappointment? What was the outcome?
References
- Confucius quote — Confucius
CONTINUE THE CONVERSATION
Source texts
- The Decision Book Fifty Models for Strategic Thinking