The Distance Heuristic
Taking a friend’s or observer’s perspective can help you reconsider an emotionally charged decision and identify the priorities you want it to serve.
THE IDEA
Reflections on the process
We have warned repeatedly about a binary decision like “move to Chicago or not,” but this one seems legitimate. (She has explored and rejected other options.) So, to us, the critical part of Sophia’s decision was the need to attain distance, to let what was important shine through. In her case, the question “What would you tell your best friend to do?” gave her the distance she needed. At press time, she is still planning to move but had not yet moved. (Maybe she needs a tripwire.)
This illustrates the Distance Heuristic: when weighing a difficult choice, intentionally step back to gain psychological distance. Techniques include:
- Asking “What would I tell a friend in this situation?”
- Imagining the decision from a third-party perspective
- Visualizing how you’ll feel about the choice in a year or five years
- Considering the decision as if it belonged to someone else
Distance can help you notice priorities obscured by an immediate emotional reaction. It does not establish a uniquely “right” choice.
When to use it
Evaluating a job offer or relocation
Deciding whether to end a relationship or partnership
Choosing between two competing business strategies
Deciding whether to make a major purchase or investment
FROM THEORY TO EVERYDAY LIFE
In practice
Sophia’s Chicago move
Sophia faced a binary decision: move to Chicago or not. After exploring and rejecting other options, she used the distancing question “What would you tell your best friend to do?” This gave her the clarity to proceed with planning the move, though she hadn’t executed it yet at press time.
Career crossroads
A manager torn between two job offers uses the distance technique by pretending they are advising a peer with identical options. The advice often reveals which opportunity aligns better with long-term goals and values.
A MOMENT TO REFLECT
Put it to work.
Think of a binary decision you currently face. How might asking 'What would you tell a friend?' change your perspective?
When have you made a decision while emotionally invested? How might distance have altered the outcome?
What personal cues could trigger you to apply the Distance Heuristic before making an important choice?
Often confused with
CONTINUE THE CONVERSATION
Source texts
- Decisive How to Make Better Choices in Life and Work (Chip Heath)