Martyr Complex (Defense Mechanism)
Erikson describes Janne responding to criticism by claiming that others dislike or fail to appreciate him. The account illustrates how feeling wronged can deflect attention from the behavior being criticized.
THE IDEA
Prepare Yourself for a Strong Defense Mechanism, Especially the Martyr Complex
Janne responded to criticism with comments like: “Nobody likes me,” “Everybody else is much more entertaining,” “I thought you thought that I was funny.” This was in addition to all the usual defense mechanisms, of course: He was only keeping the party going. It was everyone else who was quiet and boring. What was entertaining about an introverted wallflower? And talking too much—how was that a problem? On the contrary, it was actually a very nice quality. I pointed out that his performances left no room for others to speak or participate.
A concrete example: At the latest dinner, Janne’s wife, Lena, was asked a question on five different occasions and every time it was Janne who answered. In the end, it was almost ridiculous. Everyone noticed this except Janne. Lena stopped talking completely.
“But she took so long in answering! And I knew the answer!” He understood nothing. Or he chose to deliberately be slow on the uptake.
When to use it
In group settings, observing individuals who consistently interrupt or speak over others to recognize defense mechanisms.
In therapy, addressing rationalizations and victim mentality to improve interpersonal relationships.
In leadership training, learning to create space for others to contribute and avoiding defensive reactions to feedback.
FROM THEORY TO EVERYDAY LIFE
In practice
Janne answering for his wife
At a dinner, Janne's wife Lena was asked a question five times, and each time Janne answered, eventually causing Lena to stop talking entirely. Janne justified his actions by saying 'she took so long in answering' and 'I knew the answer'.
A MOMENT TO REFLECT
Put it to work.
Have you responded to criticism by focusing on how unappreciated you felt? Did that affect your ability to consider the feedback?
Can you identify a time when you used a defense mechanism to justify a problematic habit?
How would you feel if someone pointed out that you're dominating a conversation? What would be your immediate reaction?
CONTINUE THE CONVERSATION
Source texts
- Surrounded By Idiots (Thomas Erikson)