Life Lessons from Death

beginner5 min readphilosophy · psychology

Using the lens of your own mortality to clarify what truly matters in life, enabling you to align your present actions with your long-term values and avoid wasting time on trivialities.

THE IDEA

Life Lessons from Death

It is not that we have a short time to live, but that we waste a lot of it.

—SENECA, On the Shortness of Life, Chapter 1

EVALUATING YOUR LIFE THROUGH THE LENS OF YOUR death is raw, powerful, and perhaps a bit scary. What matters most becomes clear. We become aware of the gap between who we are and who we want to be. We see where we are and where we want to go. Without that clarity, we lack wisdom and waste the present on things that don’t matter.

When I do this thought experiment, I gain a more objective perspective on my life. It makes me want to become a better version of myself.

Initially, what comes to mind are the things I want to do for others. Was I there when the people I love needed me? Did I make time for the people closest to me? Am I the partner that I want to be—loving, supportive, and true to my hopelessly romantic and cheesy side? Was I a good father? Did I travel and see the world? Could people count on me? Was I an active participant in the community? Did I help people accomplish their dreams? Did I leave the world a better place?

When you know the destination, how to get there becomes clearer. As Aristotle says, “Knowledge of the best good carries great weight for knowing the best way to live: if we know it, then like archers who have a target to aim at, we are more likely to hit the right mark.”

At some point my kids figured out that it was easier to solve a maze backward than forward, especially if the maze is harder or more complicated than usual. Something about starting with the end in mind, they realized, makes it easier to decide which path to take. Life in general works similarly.

If this were your final year of life, would you be living the same way you are today? I posed this question to a friend of mine over lunch one day, and he quickly retorted, “I’d spend my savings, run up my credit cards, and start a drug habit.” (He was joking about the drugs. I hope.)

When you think of your ninety-year-old self, it becomes clear that running up your credit card or doing drugs isn’t going to make you happier. For many people, considering death makes us less likely to want to blow money. (The downside of drugs is, I trust, self-explanatory.) And I’m sure you wouldn’t spend your final year checking email, putting other people down, or trying to show your uncle just how right you were that one Thanksgiving when you argued about politics.

When you imagine your older self and what you want your life to look like in hindsight, you stop thinking about the small things that encourage you to be reactive instead of proactive. You start to see what actually matters to you. The small things look small, and the things that really matter start to look big. From this perspective, it’s easier to navigate toward the future you really want. You can see the gap between where you are and where you want to be, and change course if necessary.

For instance, after doing this thought experiment, I’ve started eating better, sleeping more, and exercising regularly. Why? Because in order to live to ninety and do all the things I aspire to, I need to be healthy. Likewise, after doing this thought experiment, it’s clear that I want to be a more present father. Hence, I’ve cut back on my phone use around the kids and created routines that nudge connecting with them: every day when they come home, we sit on the couch and talk about the school day. No doubt these are small changes, but they have a big impact on me and the people that matter.

As I stick with the thought experiment, my mind wanders to what people will say about me after I’m gone, when there is no opportunity for me to respond. What will people really say?

Whatever it is, my opportunity to change it is right now—while I still have time. Not all of what people say will be kind, so that means I have some relationships to repair. I can do that now, though. I can be the bigger person. Why? Because it matters to me.

Wisdom is turning your future hindsight into your current foresight. What seems to matter in the moment rarely matters in life, yet what matters in life always matters in the moment.

What seems like winning in the moment is often just a shallow victory. It seems important at the time, but unimportant when you view it from the perspective of life as a whole. When we’re not going in the direction in which we want to end up, we end up regretting where we end up. And avoiding regret is a key component to life satisfaction.

When to use it

Career planning: evaluate whether your current job aligns with the legacy you want to leave and the person you want to become.
Daily prioritization: each morning, ask if today's tasks will matter in the long run, and cut or delegate trivial activities.
Relationship building: schedule regular quality time with loved ones instead of getting caught up in minor disagreements or distractions.
Health decisions: when tempted to skip exercise or eat poorly, consider how these choices affect your future self's ability to live fully into old age.

FROM THEORY TO EVERYDAY LIFE

In practice

Personal health and longevity

After imagining his older self and what he wants to achieve, the author began eating better, sleeping more, and exercising regularly. Recognizing that living to ninety and being active requires health, he aligned daily habits with the long-term goal of being physically capable in old age.

Being a more present parent

Through the death thought experiment, the author realized he wanted to be a more present father. He cut back on phone use around his children and established a daily routine: when they come home, they sit on the couch together and talk about their school day. This small change had a big impact on family connection.

The maze analogy

The author’s children discovered that solving a complicated maze backward—starting from the end—makes it easier to decide which path to take. Similarly, visualizing your desired end-of-life legacy provides clarity on which daily actions and life choices will lead there, making it easier to navigate life’s complexities.

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A MOMENT TO REFLECT

Put it to work.

Imagine you are at the end of your life looking back: what would you regret not having done, and how can you incorporate that into your daily routine now?
If this were your final year, what activities or habits would you stop, and what would you start?
Who would you want to repair relationships with, and what step can you take today to begin that process?