Handling Aggressive Red Personalities
Erikson recommends setting clear limits when someone shouts or uses aggression to get their way. His advice is to name the unacceptable behavior and end or pause the conversation if it continues.
THE IDEA
“What Kind of Weaklings Are You? Just Handle It!”
Reds just get angry. It can’t be said any clearer than that. Their temperament is such that it detonates every now and then, causing migraines for everyone around. They don’t notice it happening themselves; screaming a little bit is just another way to communicate.
No one likes a bully, but not everyone is willing to say so. When a Red tramples on someone’s toes, you must tell him nicely that it doesn’t work like that. He’ll put on an innocent face and pretend that he doesn’t understand what you’re talking about. Secretly he’ll be thinking that if some people are afraid of him, well, that’s just tough.
Conclusion: You should confront his behavior immediately. Don’t allow any exceptions; just say loudly and clearly that you won’t tolerate coarse remarks, nastiness, and uncalled-for tantrums. Demand adult behavior, and if he loses his temper just leave the room. It’s important that you never let him get his way just by barking his head off.
Just remember that this is a technique—bickering and brawling—that has worked for the Red for many years. As a child, he might have gotten his way by quarreling. More than likely, his family experienced his explosive temperament in his very early years. And you can bet that they just succumbed to avoid the air-raid siren. Very few people have confronted him about this, meaning that the demand for calmer conversations could easily lead to even louder protests. The one thing a Red detests more than anything else is being told that he must lower his voice.
When to use it
When a manager or colleague repeatedly uses aggressive language in team meetings, you can use this approach to set boundaries and model respectful communication.
In customer service, state the conditions for continuing an abusive conversation and follow the organization’s escalation procedure.
In a family disagreement, identify the behavior you will not engage with and choose a calm time to resume the discussion.
In negotiations, if the other party uses intimidation or yelling, you can calmly insist on civil discourse and adjourn if necessary.
FROM THEORY TO EVERYDAY LIFE
In practice
Workplace Confrontation
A Red colleague starts shouting during a team meeting, interrupting others and making demands. Instead of giving in, you calmly state, 'I will not continue this conversation while you are yelling. Let's take a five-minute break and come back with everyone speaking respectfully.' You then leave the room briefly.
Family Argument
A family member with a Red personality throws a tantrum over a minor disagreement. Rather than accommodating the outburst, you say, 'I understand you're upset, but I won't discuss this unless we can speak calmly.' If the shouting continues, you walk away and postpone the conversation until tempers cool.
A MOMENT TO REFLECT
Put it to work.
Recall a time you encountered someone who used anger to get their way. How did you react? How might applying the technique of calmly confronting the behavior change the outcome?
Why is it important to never let a Red personality 'get his way just by barking his head off'? What long-term effect does giving in have?
What emotional challenges might you face when implementing the advice to 'leave the room' if a Red loses their temper? How can you prepare yourself to stay calm?
CONTINUE THE CONVERSATION
Source texts
- Surrounded By Idiots (Thomas Erikson)