Green Personality: Handling Criticism and Conflict Avoidance
Erikson describes a Green pattern of withdrawing from conflict and taking criticism personally. He recommends private feedback that maintains respect and specifies the behavior to change.
THE IDEA
“Why Does Everything Have to Be Such a To-do? Ugh. I’m Going to Bed.”
Greens don’t like friction of any kind. They back off when a discussion heats up or if you frown at the wrong time. Everything could be a potential conflict, and this is a very bad condition for all Greens. They lock themselves in and become silent and passive.
Many years ago, I was giving a sales conference at which I trained sellers in personal effectiveness. One of them was playing with his cell phone unremittingly, and when I—nicely and gently—asked him to write his text messages during the break, he completely stiffened up and stopped speaking. He didn’t respond to any questions or take part in any discussions. He didn’t so much as lift his pen for the remainder of the day. He glared at me, and when I asked what the problem was he just shrugged his shoulders.
He gave me what is probably the worst evaluation I have ever received. Although the conference was five days long, it was that one day that was critical to him, and he truly cut me to shreds. He had never encountered such a rude and incompetent consultant. He felt as if I had stuck a knife in his back. Obviously, this was a completely unreasonable reaction, especially considering that we had agreed not to use our mobile phones during work sessions. But it didn’t matter—this guy still thought that I had wronged him wholly and entirely, and he punished me the only way he could: through total passivity. I phoned him afterwards and confronted him about it. He admitted that it was juvenile behavior and apologized.
Conclusion: If you have a comment to make about a Green’s behavior, make sure you’re careful about how you present it. For example, if it involves criticism, you should deliver it in private. Make sure that the person you are talking to understands that you still like him, but that you believe that he and the group (work team, sports team, family, association) will function better if he changes certain things. Don’t ask him what he can do about the behavior; just ask him to do certain specific things. It may be that he knows what to do, but as usual, he will not lead the conversation—you’ll need to do that.
When to use it
Giving performance feedback to a team member who is sensitive to criticism and tends to withdraw.
Addressing a minor conflict with a friend who avoids confrontation to prevent passive-aggressive fallout.
Managing a project team with diverse personalities, ensuring Greens feel safe to contribute without fear of harsh feedback.
Providing constructive criticism in a romantic relationship where one partner is conflict-averse.
FROM THEORY TO EVERYDAY LIFE
In practice
Sales Conference Incident
During a five-day sales training conference, a participant who was a 'Green' personality type was asked politely to stop using his cell phone during a session. He reacted by becoming completely silent and passive, refusing to participate in any discussions or activities for the rest of the day. He later submitted an extremely negative evaluation, feeling personally attacked. When confronted afterward, he admitted his behavior was juvenile and apologized.
A MOMENT TO REFLECT
Put it to work.
Think of a time when you had to give feedback to someone who seemed to withdraw. How could you have applied the advice given here?
How does understanding this heuristic change the way you approach difficult conversations with sensitive individuals?
What are the early signs that a Green personality is shutting down, and how can you proactively address them?
CONTINUE THE CONVERSATION
Source texts
- Surrounded By Idiots (Thomas Erikson)