Focus on a different goal
When a self-serving goal (like being the best) becomes counterproductive, you can substitute it with a related, more constructive goal (like being an astute judge of talent) to maintain motivation while aligning with your actual objectives.
THE IDEA
Focus on a different goal
A friend of mine named Jon cofounded a software company, and in the early days, spent a lot of time recruiting and interviewing potential new hires. He soon noticed something disturbing: When he came across a talented engineer who was interested in the position, he should have felt delighted. High-quality engineers can make all the difference to the success of a new software company. But instead, Jon felt something closer to disappointment or bitterness. He would scrutinize the engineer’s work, hoping to find an excuse to reject it.
Reflecting on his behavior, Jon realized: I’ve always prided myself on being the best programmer in the room. That’s why he was motivated to denigrate his “competition,” as a coping strategy to protect his self-esteem.
Jon knew that his goal of needing to be the best programmer in the room was unrealistic, not to mention very counterproductive for his fledgling company. So he decided to redirect his focus and revise his goal: Rather than priding himself on being a great programmer, he decided to start priding himself on being an astute judge of programming talent. That was a satisfying enough substitute for the original goal, and actually helpful for hiring instead of counterproductive.
When to use it
Software engineering recruitment: Instead of trying to be the best coder in the room, aim to become an expert evaluator of coding talent.
Team management: Rather than being the most knowledgeable person, focus on fostering knowledge and expertise in your team members.
Personal development: When learning a new skill, instead of comparing yourself to experts, set a goal of improving your own technique or helping others learn.
FROM THEORY TO EVERYDAY LIFE
In practice
Jon's hiring problem
Jon, a cofounder of a software company, found himself feeling disappointed when encountering talented engineers during recruiting. He realized he prided himself on being the best programmer, so he subconsciously saw them as competition. By reframing his goal to being an astute judge of programming talent, he turned a counterproductive reaction into a constructive one.
A MOMENT TO REFLECT
Put it to work.
What goal are you currently pursuing that might be undermining your larger objectives? How could you reframe it into a more constructive substitute?
In what areas of your life do you feel threatened by others' success? Could shifting your goal from competition to collaboration or mentorship serve you better?
Think of a time when your self-esteem was tied to outperforming others. What alternative goal could have allowed you to still feel pride while being more effective?
CONTINUE THE CONVERSATION
Source texts
- The Scout Mindset (Julia Galef)