Feeling Right over Being Right
The tendency to prioritize the emotional satisfaction of feeling correct over actually being correct, leading to biased reasoning, ego protection, and distorted worldviews.
THE IDEA
Feeling Right over Being Right
The ego default urges us to feel right at the expense of being right. Few things feel better than being right—so much so that we will unconsciously rearrange the world into arbitrary hierarchies to maintain our beliefs and feel better about ourselves.
Most people go through life assuming that they’re right … and that people who don’t see things their way are wrong. We mistake how we want the world to be with how it actually is. The subject doesn’t matter: we’re right about politics, other people, our memories; you name it.
Of course, we can’t be right about everything all the time. Everyone makes mistakes or misremembers some things. But we still want to feel right all the time, and ideally get other people to reinforce that feeling. Hence, we channel inordinate amounts of energy to proving to others—or ourselves—that we’re right. When this happens, we’re less concerned with outcomes and more concerned with protecting our egos.
Recognizing the Ego Default
If you find yourself expending tremendous energy on how you are seen, if you often feel your pride being wounded, if you find yourself reading an article or two on a subject and thinking you’re an expert, if you always try to prove you’re right and have difficulty admitting mistakes, if you have a hard time saying “I don’t know,” or if you’re frequently envious of others or feel as though you’re never given the recognition you deserve—be on guard! Your ego is in charge.
When to use it
In business meetings, noticing when you're defending a proposal because it's yours rather than because it's the best option
During political discussions, catching yourself selectively interpreting facts to maintain your pre-existing beliefs
In personal relationships, recognizing when you're keeping score to feel superior rather than resolving the actual issue
When learning a new skill, avoiding the trap of overestimating your competence after minimal exposure
FROM THEORY TO EVERYDAY LIFE
In practice
Mr. Rolex and the Grocery Clerk
A rude customer (Mr. Rolex) organizes his self-worth around money and status, treating others poorly to feel superior. The teenage clerk, after being insulted, retaliates and loses his job. Walking home, the clerk consoles himself by thinking, 'At least I’m not like him,' unconsciously rearranging his own hierarchy to place himself above the customer—thus both parties revert to prioritizing feeling right over being right.
The Armchair Expert
After reading one or two articles on a complex topic like climate change or economics, a person believes they are now an expert and vigorously argues their newfound position, dismissing contrary evidence to protect their ego and the feeling of being right.
A MOMENT TO REFLECT
Put it to work.
When was the last time you argued a point more to protect your ego than to find the truth?
In what areas of your life do you find it hardest to say 'I don't know'?
How do you feel when someone proves you wrong? What does that reveal about your ego default?
Often confused with
References
- Unknown source referenced as notes.xhtml#chapter003_en_2 — Unknown
CONTINUE THE CONVERSATION
Source texts
- Clear Thinking Turning Ordinary Moments into Extraordinary Results (Shane Parrish)