Building Strength
A framework for developing personal mastery to overcome ingrained cognitive defaults by cultivating self-accountability, self-knowledge, self-control, and self-confidence, and using rituals to create positive inertia that drives consistent good judgment.
THE IDEA
BUILDING STRENGTH
Criticizing others is easier than coming to know yourself.
—BRUCE LEE
COUNTERACTING THE ENEMIES of clear thinking requires more than willpower.
Our defaults work off deeply ingrained biological tendencies—our tendencies for self-preservation, for recognizing and maintaining social hierarchies, and for defending ourselves and our territory. We can’t simply know these tendencies exist and then will them out of existence. On the contrary, the feeling that willpower is all it takes to remove these forces is one of the tricks they use to keep us under their control.
To stop our defaults from impeding good judgment, we need to harness equally powerful biological forces. We need to take the same forces that the defaults would use to ruin us and turn them to our advantage. Chief among them is the force of inertia.
Inertia is a double-edged sword. We saw earlier that inertia is a tendency to maintain the status quo. If the status quo is sub-optimal or dysfunctional, inertia works against us. But the status quo doesn’t have to be sub-optimal. If you train yourself to consistently think, feel, and act in ways that further your most important goals—if, in other words, you build strength—then inertia becomes a nearly unstoppable force that unlocks your potential.
Establishing rituals is the key to creating positive inertia. Rituals focus the mind on something other than the moment. They can be as simple as taking a quick pause before responding to someone’s point of contention at work. One of my old mentors used to tell me, “When someone slights you in a meeting, take a deep breath before you speak and watch how often you change what you’re about to say.”
Rituals are hidden in plain sight anywhere temperament matters for performance. The next time you watch a basketball game or tennis match, notice how the players always bounce the ball the same number of times before shooting a free throw or serving. It doesn’t matter if the previous play was the best or worst of your career. Rituals force the mind to focus on the next play, not the last one.
Strength is the power to press pause on your defaults and exercise good judgment. It doesn’t matter what’s going on in the world, or how unfair things may seem. It doesn’t matter that you feel embarrassed, threatened, or angry. The person who can take a step back for a second, center themselves, and get out of the moment will outperform the person who can’t.
When Rudyard Kipling wrote his classic poem “If—”the one that goes, “If you can keep your head when all about you / Are losing theirs and blaming it on you, / If you can trust yourself when all … doubt you”—he made a convincing case for personal strength.fn1
Building strength is about domesticating the wild horses of our nature—training and harnessing them to improve our lives. It’s about turning the headwinds of our biology into tailwinds that carry us reliably toward our most cherished goals.
Here are four key strengths you’ll need:
Self-accountability: holding yourself accountable for developing your abilities, managing your inabilities, and using reason to govern your actions
Self-knowledge: knowing your own strengths and weaknesses—what you’re capable of doing and what you’re not
Self-control: mastering your fears, desires, and emotions
Self-confidence: trusting in your abilities and your value to others
I’ll define each of these strengths and discuss how they counteract your defaults, before explaining how you can begin to build them and take command of your life.
When to use it
A manager who tends to get defensive in meetings can use the deep-breath ritual before responding to criticism, turning potential conflict into constructive dialogue.
An athlete uses a pre-shot routine to maintain consistency and focus regardless of previous successes or failures.
Someone building a habit of exercise can create a ritual, such as laying out workout clothes the night before, to harness inertia and make the desired behavior the status quo.
A professional facing high-stakes negotiations can practice centering techniques, such as counting breaths, to stay calm and deliberate under pressure.
FROM THEORY TO EVERYDAY LIFE
In practice
Pause Before Reacting in Meetings
When someone slights you in a meeting, take a deep breath before you speak. This ritual creates a pause that often changes what you’re about to say, defusing reactive, defensive responses and allowing a more measured reply.
Pre-Performance Rituals in Sports
Basketball players bounce the ball a set number of times before a free throw; tennis players do the same before serving. This ritual focuses the mind on the next action rather than the previous outcome, enabling consistent performance.
A MOMENT TO REFLECT
Put it to work.
Which of the four strengths (self-accountability, self-knowledge, self-control, self-confidence) do you need to develop most? What specific ritual could you implement to strengthen it?
Recall a time you reacted impulsively and regretted it. How could a brief pausing ritual have changed your response?
Identify a daily situation where inertia currently works against you. How might you design a ritual to establish a new status quo that aligns with your goals?
References
- If— — Rudyard Kipling (1910)
CONTINUE THE CONVERSATION
Source texts
- Clear Thinking Turning Ordinary Moments into Extraordinary Results (Shane Parrish)